The death of a good dog

He doesn’t know it yet, but this is his last season on earth. He is not only old for his breed, a Puli, but he is also inbred: his mother with his older brother. Well these things happen in the dog world. It's not his fault. And he only has three legs, he lost his hind leg to a trucker when he was only seven months old, a long story that explains his loss of mobility.

And so he is stretched out on his special orthopedic cot, and has peace for a moment. I gave him his pain killer, so he can get up,. There are no more expectations that he goes “outside” to pee, I am quite well trained to get my dog rags, wipe it up and then wash it off, then launder the rags daily. My floors show signs of bleach, as his pee eats into the wood, takes off the color. Powerful stuff old dog peepe.

My partner H. is out of town, otherwise she would have night duty. Last night it meant that he had the runs and I had to wash and use all of my rags, hunting down the horrible smell.
4 am and dog lovers pay their dues. I hurt my hip because I am not allowed to bend down, but how else can you wash up a dog butt.?
So I am getting angry, I'll be in extra pain too for a few days now, but Zoro cannot be blamed. He didn’t ask to be kept alive against all odds this long. He didn’t ask to be taken to specialists, who used acupuncture and massage and special pill regimen to keep him mobile. H did. Under normal circumstances, he would be long gone .But H. cannot let him go. She is a end of life therapist, and she is” witnessing” his end of life. I think it should be different with dogs. We should let them go. There is no law against putting them to sleep like with people. Its actually more humane to let him die.

H is returning Monday. She knows I have reached the end. She still plots to whisk him away and in secret be with him a little longer, hire people to watch him. Its not about being watched, it's about being in pain and I know all too much about that. Zoro deserves not to be in pain. I recall all his sweet dear moments. He has given us so much laughter, tenderness, funny funny days. Like he used to travel between the two front seats, with a paw on each of our shoulders, like a little chariot driver. Or when he tended to the mentally ill people in the Mission, administering unconditional love to each individually. How they miss him at the out patient center. They have even named their computer system after him: Zoro. Everybody has a Zoro story. He has been internalized, he appears to people in dreams, as an inner voice, the Zoro within.
"Zoro didn’t let me use!" one of the clients said and stopped shooting up. What a great little healer. Today I watch him like somebody who is all packed to leave for a long time, his hair so soft, his dreadlocks so long, his eyes have been blind for years now, his deaf little ears like those of a lamb.

Love you little Zoro, look up my mother on the other side, she loved Puli. Run again like in your dreams, see the birds, see us missing you. But don’t stick around too long, don’t miss the Puli transfer, you have given so much, now its your turn to transform again into an immortal.
If I could I name a whole constellation after you. The Zoro star!
Blessings little friend, this spring is your departure date.
May Hecate add you to her pack of dogs.
Run happy, run wild.