Death Knocked Next Door

Today I woke up to the sound of a howling man. It was 7:00 AM on a Sunday morning. Not my time to rise. I waited and tried to ignore it but the man was howling hard again and again. He didn't sound like he was hurt, but he was calling for something. I went downstairs, thinking, 'This isn't my job at my age to investigate the disturbance,' but I did anyway. My other neighbor K. was already there. The howling man turned out to be my neighbor C. The news was that Pam, C's partner, was dead.

Pam- my outstanding younger neighbor, only 54! A good friend. C was her boyfriend of 27 years. We shared the friendly calling over to one another, occasional visits totally unplanned, just running into each other.

But now everything has changed. There was this tear into the fabric of my life right next door, a shocking reminder how we never know when death comes.

We all lost it for a while. I ran out to get some cognac for C. He was sitting in shock, had a shot of it, and his tears started to come out . Soon Pam's bother and father showed up, they were trying very hard to "hold it together."

For C, grief is loud and tearful, his pain was devastating, and he became suicidal. All this in one morning. We all tried to be helpful. C would not eat anything, but would drink the cognac which helped him somewhat.

Stories emerged.

Pam felt dizzy, and had flu-like symptoms, asked C for flu medicine. He gave her Alka-selzer plus, then she laid down for a while upstairs in their bed.

She never got up again.

C went to bed too late, tired, didn't check her breathing. Why would he? He thought she was asleep. In the morning he discovered Pam's rigid body. He was stricken with pain. All he could do was howl on his front porch like a dog abandoned.

The coroner came, many of them, they wrapped poor Pam into white sheets, slowly they took her down .She looked so small in that big sheet. So fragile, so final. Her rigid arm still extend as she laid on her bed the last time.

I felt myself crying also from a deep wrenching place. I plucked some flowers which I idiotically waved at her, and blessed her, and wished her a good journey.

Her brother and I witnessed the body taken out of the house together. We bonded in that moment from strangers to co witnesses.

C and Pam were not married. What will happen to him now?

Pam's brother assured me they will be fair with C. That's a relief.

He spends his first night over at my neighbors house. We couldn't imagine letting him sleep in the same bed "the love of his life" passed away in.

The rest of the day was beautiful, a sunny warm early spring day. We took the dogs out to Isabel Point for a walk, and life went on. We had cappuccinos and ice cream.

Pam's death slowly sank in. It slowly sank to the level of normalcy.

Tonight it's a full moon. I'll light my candles for the many reasons I always do, plus Pam now.

Deep peace good neighbor. Deep peace of the flowing air to you.